Pathetic Teenager

Two posts in one day. Woohoo. Can’t believe!

But really, the dark moments can make you do crazy stuff. For example, talking to your (ex?) boyfriend, but not in dialogue way. I thought I was talking to myself and soon he gave me the answer ┬áthat I wasn’t looking for – “leave me alone”.

I know that he needs some space after the shocking thing that I have said, when I was WASTED, but I can’t deal with him being mad at me. I don’t know what got into me that night. How could I call him another boy’s name?! For the first time in my life I know how I feel about anyone. I know that I only want my boyfriend, but I can’t forgive myself this fact. Do I have feelings towards the other guy??? No! That can’t be it! The reality is that my boyfriend is mad at me and I can’t make him talk to me or see me in order to explain everything. Also, I need to know the whole night! Why was my cigarette pack in the bin? How did I fall asleep? Or what he did do after the shameful “accident”?

It’s been two days and I can’t think about anything else. I can’t even eat. What do I do? I’ll give you an answer – I’m in the bed, “watching” TV shows and I smoke too much.

Do I sound pathetic? Yeah, I know I do, so, don’t tell me otherwise.

The only thing that I can do is wait for the time to pass and then talk to him. Maybe a week? But I don’t want him to think too much.

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Too Much Space for HIM

I have already written that I don’t like serious relationships. I’m not good at it and I usually get scared. But these don’t mean that I don’t want to share anything with a man I’m with.

I’m a good listener and I adore talking to my special person. I ask questions and I love listening to the answers, not because I’m a control freak. I just want to share everything with that person.

It’s hard to be waiting for an approval to talk to your special person or see him.

It’s hard not to have ability to talk to him, when you actually need him.

It’s hard to be shut down, when you say “we have to talk”, despite the fact that it is too painful for you. You tell that too and he shuts you down again and again and again…

I needed that talk, I had to speak up about my feelings for once in my life and he shut me up. I’m pissed off. I can’t take this anymore. I did this for months now and what do I get. Not even a 5 minute talk. I made a mistake, when I thought that it would have been a lifetime mistake to break up with him and gave him his space, which was too big, but still I couldn’t get there.

That’s fine. Everything’s fine. I took this once, I can take this now too.

And for reading this, I have to share my favourite song with you ^_^