Pathetic Teenager

Two posts in one day. Woohoo. Can’t believe!

But really, the dark moments can make you do crazy stuff. For example, talking to your (ex?) boyfriend, but not in dialogue way. I thought I was talking to myself and soon he gave me the answer ┬áthat I wasn’t looking for – “leave me alone”.

I know that he needs some space after the shocking thing that I have said, when I was WASTED, but I can’t deal with him being mad at me. I don’t know what got into me that night. How could I call him another boy’s name?! For the first time in my life I know how I feel about anyone. I know that I only want my boyfriend, but I can’t forgive myself this fact. Do I have feelings towards the other guy??? No! That can’t be it! The reality is that my boyfriend is mad at me and I can’t make him talk to me or see me in order to explain everything. Also, I need to know the whole night! Why was my cigarette pack in the bin? How did I fall asleep? Or what he did do after the shameful “accident”?

It’s been two days and I can’t think about anything else. I can’t even eat. What do I do? I’ll give you an answer – I’m in the bed, “watching” TV shows and I smoke too much.

Do I sound pathetic? Yeah, I know I do, so, don’t tell me otherwise.

The only thing that I can do is wait for the time to pass and then talk to him. Maybe a week? But I don’t want him to think too much.