Pathetic Teenager

Two posts in one day. Woohoo. Can’t believe!

But really, the dark moments can make you do crazy stuff. For example, talking to your (ex?) boyfriend, but not in dialogue way. I thought I was talking to myself and soon he gave me the answer ┬áthat I wasn’t looking for – “leave me alone”.

I know that he needs some space after the shocking thing that I have said, when I was WASTED, but I can’t deal with him being mad at me. I don’t know what got into me that night. How could I call him another boy’s name?! For the first time in my life I know how I feel about anyone. I know that I only want my boyfriend, but I can’t forgive myself this fact. Do I have feelings towards the other guy??? No! That can’t be it! The reality is that my boyfriend is mad at me and I can’t make him talk to me or see me in order to explain everything. Also, I need to know the whole night! Why was my cigarette pack in the bin? How did I fall asleep? Or what he did do after the shameful “accident”?

It’s been two days and I can’t think about anything else. I can’t even eat. What do I do? I’ll give you an answer – I’m in the bed, “watching” TV shows and I smoke too much.

Do I sound pathetic? Yeah, I know I do, so, don’t tell me otherwise.

The only thing that I can do is wait for the time to pass and then talk to him. Maybe a week? But I don’t want him to think too much.


Impossible Thing – Crying

I’m back and I’m in dark side.

Two days ago I was so wasted that I said something to my boyfriend that I can’t even remember.

He wouldn’t talk to me. I told him that I’m sorry hundreds time and explained my feelings towards him. I said that I loved him for the first time and I don’t feel ashamed of it. He needs to know how I feel now!

I can’t really say what I told him when I was drunk, because it is too embarrassing.

Now I am shaking, I think that is because I can’t cry, but I really feel like crying.

Shit! I really need him in my life and I can’t even think what it would be like if he stays mad.

Now I swear – I won’t drink and I won’t flirt with other boys. The thing that I thought was nothing became huge. These mistakes can’t be made again. I should be new me. I should do something to let him know that I only want him and IT was the biggest mistake I have ever made.

So, if you have any ideas how to make him believe me, please please please let me now. I really need more advise right now.

I think I will be back shortly.